Return for Wrestlemania

I've been silent for awhile, concentrating on a variety of different things, most notably the finishing of a conference paper I'll be presenting in New Orleans next week. But this doesn't mean that I've given up on the squared circle. Wrestlemania time's come round, and I'm getting fairly excited.

Foremost, anyone notice when Batista said, "Say hello to the bad guy"? I flipped. Especially after seeing Scott "Razor Ramon" Hall sign a TNA contract the night before. What's especially exciting about this is that Hall actually looks good right now, and hopefully can get back to his nineties splendor in movement. I liked the Batista tribute, and his persona is more and more menacing, which is great.

Shawn Michaels might retire this year. Insane. I don't know who to root for in this match, because I certainly don't want the Undertaker's streak to end, but I'd hate to see HBK go. They've been doing pretty good promos lately, making for decent television.

HHH versus Sheamus is typical clique bullshit. Not that the match won't be good, but the storyline is not there. Not the way it is for Taker/HBK or even Mysterio/Punk. Just two enormous dudes bullying it out after each other. Money in the Bank will be awesome as always, but doesn't 10 people seem like a crowd? In a few years it will be a Rumble match with a ladder. The Legacy thing has kind of lost my interest, though I generally like Orton. And I'm totally pulling for Jericho. Fuck the spear. Kick out dude! I like how he's been pulling it over on Edge on Friday nights.

Oh and on a final note, I love Drew McIntyre's entrance song and titantron.

And Tiffany, whom my wife danced with in New Orleans several years ago (one of the ways I fooled her into watching with me) has been having great matches, and is shining in way that the divas normally don't.

Abyssomania is Running Wild

OK, so I've been in absolute awe of the TNA product. The Hulk Hogan promos (especially dealing with Abyss) lately have done things like 1) move me to burly tears 2) enliven my senses as I ride on the wave of Hulka/Abyssomania 3) give me faith that wrestling can satisfy narratological, emotional needs. There's no more truth in television than when you hear Hogan admit to mind-numbing pain waking his muscular ass up every morning because he's given his soul (seriously, Mark Calaway) to the business of entertaining chumps like me.

And now TNA, this coming Monday, will go head to head with the colossal E. How will they fare? Who knows, but I'm sure they won't overtake them in one week. But comparing the two products right now, I know who I'd be watching if I weren't screening a film for my freshmen writing seminar students. I'm even seriously considering restructuring my syllabus around Mondays so that I can be there for the Monday Night Wars, v2.

As for the E, I've been pretty bored as of late. The Shawn Michaels/Undertaker match seems more interesting now that there are stipulations for HBK, but what kind of booking does this mean? Will Taker's streak come to an end? Probably, unless this is HBK's retirement match, which makes enough sense, though would still be abrupt. I think it is a bad move to end the Streak, ever, as it makes Taker a mere mortal, which is not what we are paying to see. Or stealing to see as the case, etc.

Big match for Bret Hart, huh? I wonder what the match will be like considering the Loyd's payout Bret received years ago. I just hope he gets in good enough shape to don the black and pink and look good. There's nothing worse than an old-guy wrestler performing in a big t-shirt. Buff-up Bret! Bring back the Canadian hero. And be sure to use the Sharpshooter. If not, I'll demand my sixty dollars back.

Friday Night Smackdown tonight, but I'm not even sure what's happening on the B show (as I don't even know that much about the A show right now). I'll definitely DVR it, but who knows what I'll do while watching it--grading papers, ironing clothes, cleaning the oven, organizing the My Documents folder, ordering from campusfood.com, or maybe having a social life.

Rumble fallout

Alright, I went on a little blogging hiatus due to paper grading and other academic duties. But that doesn't mean that I haven't tried to watch most of the wrestling I can catch on Time Warner in the last few weeks. I guess I should address foremost the Royal Rumble.

So unsurprising, Edge returned from injury to win the Rumble match a la John Cena a few years back. I like the face Edge, one because the crowd (myself included) has not forgotten what a bastard he was as a heel, and because Edge can work the mic in this tweener position. He crashing out Sheamus was great, especially because Sheamus's character is somewhat dopey. His "loss" against Randy Orton was well played at the Rumble I think. Because laying him out takes away from the boring invincibility gimmick that had him going. It was better, in other words, when he was still Razor's Edging Jamie Noble and kicking camera men, because it shows that he's just a posturing asshole who wants to appear tough. Him in cahoots with Legacy is building nicely, and I wonder if Orton is going to turn face, despite rumors for about a year of Dibiase turning face.

The actual Rumble match had some pretty good story telling: Shawn kicking Trips, obviously, but also McIntyre and Morrison getting double chokeslammed, R-Truth eliminating both Mark Henry and Big Show, and especially, especially CM Punk's beginning streak and promo routine. Hairy-chested CM Punk is a great character, and he is proving to be one of the best talkers and actors in the business. His hurt look when Batista dismissed him truly put Big Dave over as a jerk while at the same time adding complexity to CM Punk's potentially one-note character. Not sure where his stable is going in terms of story-line, but I am eager to follow it.

After the Rumble, we of course, got the build for Bret Hart. After his first appearance, I was almost wincing, but Hart alleviated all my fears in his next few spots. He looks much better after being off air for a month, and he seems to have thrown away the script for some classic Bret Hart circa 1996-97 promos, that have the aura of a shoot. And if the E can let Hart do as he pleases, then my hope for wrestling in 2010 is strong.

Art of the Promo

In the last two weeks at camp E, I have to admit it, the promos are getting better. Monday Night Raw saw an invigorated John Cena, chumming with the guest host Dulé Hill, yelling at this and that, playing the moral good guy (Bret Hart's old job) against V. K. McMahon, and acting generally psychotic throughout. This is much improved from the over-determined (and overdetermined), all-American, kid-friendly John Cena.

Speaking of this, would it be that much of a crime for Mr. Cena to wear something other than his orange merch?

Perhaps this improvement was sparked by the recent promo of McMahon, where he talked about putting Bret Hart out to pasture. Something the writers or whoever is coming up with this stuff could actually do something with. Cena brought to McMahon's attention how he treats wrestlers like commodities (which is true) and how shitty that really is. What was impressive about this exchange, which could have come off as boring, over-serious, or melodramatic, was not only Cena's understated delivery but also the contrast of his zaniness in other backstage promos. Unlike recently, when the wrestlers all seem to be hitting one, shrill note (the unhinged Randy Orton, the menacing and white Sheamus, the overbearing Miz), Cena pulls out different flavors of Cena all in the same night--something he should do night after night.

Think--wrestlers that seem like real complex people. Albeit glamorous exaggerations of real people! This is supposed to be fun and occasionally moving, not just the same fierce monochromes every night, usually paired up the same way.

I feel this harkens back to some of the better moments of wrestling from twenty years ago, and definitely back to the long-gone Attitude Era. Even though Hogan's promos were often similar in incoherence, he seemed capable of being himself without always expressing the exact same emotion. And if we need to look for the role model of all wrestling promos, we should look to the work of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, whose personality didn't even necessarily change between heel/face changes. I'd like to not be able to sum up a wrestler's character by a concise emotion or a single characteristic. Try that with the Rock. Try that with Bret Hart. Ric Flair, Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Shawn Michaels. And if Cena keeps Monday's performance up, no one will hold him from joining this list.

About to watch TNA. I hope to be impressed.

Raw is...

OK, so I was trying to decide whether to suffer through the usual banalities on Monday Night Raw or continue feeling awesome while playing God of War II (thanks C-vay!). I was going to just play on through the "Edge of Creation" level, but catching Vincent Kennedy McMahon's promo while setting up my DVR, I knew that tonight may be (hopefully will be) different.

McMahon's delivery brings back the days of controversial, interesting storylines, hardline and deep characters, and snazzy all gray suit and tie combos. His speech centered on well-known critiques of WWE, particularly that there is not any young promise, not as much action, etc. He called the crowd hypocrites for wanting Bret Hart back, which is true. An aging, motion-challenged Hart is not what the promotion needs, at least not as much as upcoming talent. And I am guilty of this as much as anyone. I'd much rather see Hart speak from an arm-chair than watch most of the undercard at WWE. Because what he is saying is true; even if it is an asshole position, McMahon's promo involves us emotionally.

This is how to write storylines, creative: have the pressure of reality, let your angles dig into the audience and piss them off, give them what they want, but harder, too hard for comfort. This is a way to make Hart relevant today.

The Undertaker just interrupted the action, sporting a beautifully died beard. Now he's cutting a promo on both VKM and HBK, pointing a j'accuse at McMahon, and addressing HBK's challenge for a two in the row for Wrestlemania.

While Michaels is sauntering to the ring, I'll give you a recap of last year's match. Michaels v. Undertaker was easily the highlight of Wrestlemania 25, and probably the highlight of both of their later careers. Undertaker's epic streak went unbroken; Michaels saved face by kicking out of a tombstone.

And thank God the Undertaker just denied Shawn Michaels a rematch. Now some photo op, some slightly embarrassing talk of souls. One of the main problems with the WWE is that it overscripts things. Everything is overdetermined. It is not enough that the Undertaker have a cool entrance made meaningful by basically campy promos twenty years ago, but he still has to say the same things as then.

Next up, Sheamus and "the most-highflying-jobber" Evan Bourne--who should really be the next 1-2-3 Kid, but isn't, due to the lack of imagination for guys under 200 pounds in WWE creative. At least he just got a Razor's Edge from Sheamus, something early nineties Sean Waltman would have felt privileged to take.

Pointless comedy ensues.

Guest Host issue. OK, so the guest host, a usually unconnected celebrity, picks sides--babyface or heel. Their job is to create drama on the show and plug their new stuff. Got it. This time it's Nash Bridges (known to many as Don Johnson) and the guy who played Napoleon Dynamite (something Heder). So they're split down the middle, Nash likes DX and Napoleon is friends with the Miz. Alright. But the big dramatic main event... DX v. Miz and Big Show? Can I think of a more boring attraction? I might just switch the channel and watch Leno or perhaps public access television.

I understand the necessity of exhibition matches. I really do. But to have someone who seems to be on WWE TV because he thinks the concept is funny and ironic hype an epic battle, one that is "new" to use his exact words, between DX and Jerishow minus the charismatic half and adding a random midcarder is pretty much as lame as it gets. Well, there will probably be more awkward Diva/Hornswoggle/DX humor later on.

At least there was a cute moment when Napoleon leaped into Big Show's arms and seems to have surprised the giant with a kiss on the cheek. Show has a great grin when its genuine, and I bet he's a hell of a nice guy in person.

Overall, the show is better than last week's, mainly because of McMahon's promo. The Trips "turn" on HBK (just for the Rumble) was ok, but botched due to a delay in Cena's interruption music (you can see HBK yell "finally"). But we didn't get Bret Hart, and we didn't get any astounding wrestling. Maybe next week...

TNA's nWo PPV & lackluster routine

TNA's first pay-per-view since the dawning of the Hogan-Bischoff era aired last night. The most salient difference from previous TNA incarnations, of course, was the imposition of a traditional four-sided ring (a topic for an upcoming post). And unfortunately did not quite live up to the last Thursday's impact, but still provided a solid two and three quarters hours of show.

The most interesting thing is that the new WWE and nostalgia acquisitions were mainly embarrassed by the hungry, talented, younger TNA roster. While the night seemed rough on Brian Kendrick, he'll likely be a solid entertainer in the company. Kennedy, however, was sloppy and unentertaining, which is somewhat of a surprise given the hype around him. Perhaps he was ill-suited to fighting with Abyss, whose brawling-style didn't necessarily go with Kennedy's more traditional move-set. I don't know, but the match was a low point.

An equal low-point, and I really really hate to say it, was the Kliq versus Beer Money Incorporated. And it wasn't because of Beer Money. Kevin Nash, TNA staple and most responsible member of the Kliq aside from Triple H, looked tired. In fact, he looked aggravated that he had to compete with the 1-2-3 Kid, Sean Waltman, whose in-ring moniker is either X-Pac or 6-Pac (?) according to the commentators. Scott Hall aka Razor Ramon bowed out of the match, which was a change in advertisement and leads one to wonder if there is some problem with the Bad Guy. This and a shoot-style assault on a fan that was ill-addressed (so could possibly be unscripted?) gives one the impression that either Hall is high or management is still trying to sell a stoned Ramon. Either situation sucks.

The highlights of the event were Daniels, The Pope, Desmond Wolfe, and the main event. The three young guys seem to have a legitimate chance at longevity and character depth and in-ring prowess. Wolfe's explosive speed and bizarre habit of throwing his opponents into the bottom ropes gave him the border-line edge that Randy Orton has been trying to do for years. And the Pope might be the most entertaining man in wrestling. And I love Daniels' character of being a vicious if prudish man. I don't even need to mention Kurt Angle and A. J. Styles, except to say that I like Kurt as a face, and turning Styles heel will probably turn out to be a good decision.

What does this mean for WWE, who's still no-selling TNA? After watching four hours of WWE programming last week, there's little to say. The Raw skits are lame. The women's wrestling is below mediocre and the feuds nonexistant. The characters overly static and one-dimensional. As for young talent, there is Kofi Kingston, who's learning WWE vets' habit of sticking to a limited moveset; Dolph Ziggler, who looks good, unpredictable, but needs to fight people in his weight class and develop his in-ring character more; Evan Bourne, who needs to switch to TNA where there is actually a cruiserweight division; and the new monster heels Drew McIntyre and Sheamus, who are both mean and boring but who unfettered could have serious potential.

This is the time of year when WWE storylines should congeal, become epic, and lean toward Wrestlemania. The only reason to watch the Royal Rumble this year is to see if any surprises take place during the rumble. The Bret Hart issue could be exciting, but may not be, we'll have to see. Maybe the guest host concept is what is killing Raw? All I can tell is that the variety show layout is making the show less and less tolerable, which is truly a shame.

Rambly post, I know. I'm trying to get in the habit of posting so that I don't kill this blog before it starts. I'll post tonight during Raw for some in depth coverage.

The Return of the Monday Night Wars (One Night Only)

This blog has been a long time coming. I recently published an essay in The Louisville Review on wrestling as an art form, paying particular attention to the career of Shawn Michaels. Since then, the wrestling landscape has dramatically changed--some of it for the good, some of it not so much. And so I want to start this off with a state of affairs of pro-wrestling as it concerns the two major promotions.

I won't lie and say that I wasn't a mark for WWF growing up. Even when my favorite wrestlers, such as Razor Ramon, began showing up in WCW and transforming the market with a swerve, I stuck with Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker with the same somewhat misguided loyalty I showed my Nintendo products. It wasn't until 2008 that I renewed my interest in wrestling, after a hiatus of at least eight years, and then, I tried both promotions out, WWE and TNA. Nostalgia overwhelmed me and I tuned into older versions of my childhood heroes on Monday and Friday nights, ignoring wholeheartedly the efforts of Dixie Carter and co. at TNA headquarters.

Well last Monday changed all that.

TNA, now creatively led by Terry "Hulk Hogan" Bollea and Eric "Tae Kwon Do" Bischoff, challenged Monday Night Raw in the first head-to-head promotion battle since 2000, when Vince McMahon bought WCW from Ted Turner. And while some of the spots where cheesy (the strip poker with Val Venis and the Beautiful People) and morally low (Ric Flair's potential return after his beautiful retirement match in 2008), the show was something Monday Night Raw was not, and has not been in a long time. Fun.

Part of the fun, of course, was the anticipation of who was joining the Hulkster in his takeover. But besides that, the wrestling toward the second half of the three hour deluxe was damn good. And by that I mean not another thin-move-set meets thin-move-set II for another boring main event (I'm looking at you WWE). The production value of TNA's Impact was low, but edgy, and even though most of the promos (with the exception of The Pope's) were somewhat botched, the show was solid entertainment.

Thanks to DVR, I watched in tandem what Vince stewed up for Raw, especially because it meant the return of Bret "The Hitman" Hart, an event that will lead wrestling pundits to change their eschatological theories forever. Hart looks old and more than a bit weary, but I cannot help but love the man, who's not only been one of the most engaging physical performers of all time, but has also been the epicenter of wrestling's biggest tragedies. Unfortunately, stilted scripting (I hope) butchered most of what could have been an astounding homecoming, especially in the dialogue between real-life rivals Hart and Shawn Michaels. Michaels has gone too wholesome lately, and while he is basically unrivaled in wrestling storytelling, the story of him reconciling as he did was unambitious. I am all for the reconciliation, but have Michaels seem edgier, stick Hart in DX, have them gang up on the McMahons and for Hunter to chose sides, anything but a hug and a pop.

After this segment, the show flopped. The wrestling between DX and Jerishow was the highlight, and greatly done, but it did little to save the abysmal Divas matches, the corny humor sketches, and the "who cares" midcard feuds. There is no tension anymore on Raw. Nothing to find out. As a teacher of mystery stories, I can certify that there's not much mystery on the Raw brand, despite the school-girl like banter of Jerry "The King" Lawler and Michael Cole. Speaking of which, Jerry, why couldn't you stir up some of your old Hitman animosity and really do some commentating like you used to?

OK, so that was 11 days ago, why am I writing this review now? Well, as I was installing a new shelf for the overflow of books in my apartment, I was watching a DVR of last night's Impact. And during the first match, I was stunned. It was a presumably new tag team, who for all intents and purposes look like too-young jobbers, Generation Me versus Motor City Machine Guns. These guys are all smallish, not quite to my 150 but no Trips either. And what they did could have been a highlight of a PPV. This was quick, innovative wrestling, that manipulated tensions and apparently upset expectations. The move stream was constant. Maneuvers that could have made respectable finishers for almost anyone (unlike Christian's laughable "Kill Switch") were done throughout the match at key moments. The excitement I felt at the double-team action was on the caliber of watching Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty almost 20 years ago. From both teams, and especially Generation Me. Legacy, you have a lot to learn.

In short, the wrestling was mostly captivating. Including the women's wrestling. The promos were more relevant and varied (not just the I'm so pissed I want a title shot variety). The color commentary was less repetitive and annoying. And the characters were basically more compelling. I'm not watching just to see the resurrection of the nWo, and I could care less about Hulk Hogan. I find that in WWE, I just tolerate the less interesting wrestling until my favorites appear. And I cringe during the humor segments and what has become of DX (I make the exception of Santino Marella who is smart and truly funny).

Although, I love WWE, I am glad that TNA is putting out a better product. Hopefully, it will inspire team Stamford to rise to the occasion and deliver the type of entertainment that it can and used to deliver. Even if WWE's goal is to sell T-shirts and action figures to eight-year-olds (which unfortunately seems to be the case), it's going to have to change its game, because even eight-year-olds want surprises, great wrestling, and distinct and well-round characters and narratives.